The Devil strikes again..! Read on for a good laugh so hard- you might be walking your way in or out of the movie hall..!
#BhansaliRao ne Grandeur ke saath mohabbat ki hai, screenplay ke saath nahi.
So Bajirao Mastani was seen yesterday. For a ticket so expensive I could have bought half a kg of Royal Canine for my dog. Who looks as pretty as Mastaani if you all have seen her. Only she doesn’t know how to play the banjo. Or maybe is waiting for her Bajirao. That’s another story.
So, the film is larger than life, grand scale, detailing so good you can hear the peacock feather flutter and arrow being pulled off the bow and so much silence in the court that you can almost hear #AdityaPancholi’s thoughts- shit, iske baad Suraj ki bail ke liye jana hai and #MilindSoman smelling of Old Spice.
Ranveer Singh is seeti bajao from the word JijijiBajijiji. He makes a bald Marathi man with a ponytail sexy and that’s a tough task. There are certain scenes he bowls you over with his acting and honestly, honestly, his scenes with Priyanka are strangely more awesome than the ones with Deepika. Deepika looks ethereal, enigmatic, enchanting and when she fights, she is pretty, when she walks she exudes beauty! Uff, this shot, uff that shot!
But then you know it’s a Bhansali film, so even if you have to go for a dump, there will be poetry. You will sit up, the curtains will fly, the lanterns will light up, you will lift your steps, walk on clean earthy floor, then the pressure in your stomach will mount and there will be a close shot of your eyes turning red, you will clench your fist, a close shot of that, audio of your knuckles and bones crackling as you run in slow motion towards the ghoosal khana and you will open the door in a rush and all Harpic bottles will fall and it will be a blue lake and you will run to the pot and there will be Raag Yaman as you poop…
In Leela ben’s son’s films, costumes ke kapde, art ki mehnat, cinematography ke camera pe sandeh nahi karna chahiye! Kabhi maat nahi dete.
Priyanka is outstanding. For once, I didn’t notice her goldfish lips but her performance, her diction got my attention. Unlike actresses like say, SonamKapoor who think they can talk with JVPD accent in period dramas, this one actually made it a point to sound like a chaste Marathi Peshwinbai. Ditto Ranveer Singh.
Of course, the script had flaws, the screenplay was very disjointed. After he commits marriage to Mastani at a fort, the repercussions take their own sweet time to happen. Or how the Raja of Bundelkhand seems to be the only man in his province and asks his own daughter to perform on Holi for the guest, thoda strange. And in the name of Holi, only Mastaani has red color on palms.
Mastaani song is beautiful. But I liked the Albela Sajan song more. Pinga song is unimpressive and Priyanka Chopra eats up Deepika like she is Rajnigandha SilverPearls. And Malhaari is basically TattadTattad with a choti on the scalp.
But I’m biased towards Bhansali films so I liked it because there is so much passion in his craft which honestly people blowing up cars as thrills in Goa films don’t show. Hmph! And really SRK!! Priyanka se tum zindagi maang lete wo khushi khushi de deti, tumne toh ussey saare cinema halls ke screens chheen liye! Touche!
So ya, agar is epic ko like karna khataa hai toh sazaa do mujhe. Go watch it once! No Sandeh!